The Northwestern Rocks

'Carpe diem' as they like to say. My first but not last time begging you to live grandly.

When I was in the throes of applying to college and mistakenly directing all my energy into schools I wouldn’t have been happy at, I got to learn about some pretty cool school traditions like the Northwestern Rocks.

The lake beside Northwestern University (Lake Michigan?) is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, and I am sad that I didn’t get into that college for the sole reason that I can’t spend all my time in those waters. I have pictures, and the water looks so edited – a blue from your wildest dreams and the sun’s sprinkles of glittering light.

What do I know about these rocks? Not much. It’s one of those places that carry all these stories, all from the touch of a butt on a rock. More than that, people love to paint and write on them – couples’ names interlocked in hearts in a declaration against the world, an oddly shaped smiley face that makes you wonder why people don’t know how to draw a circle, and bits and pieces of quotes that you may glance at in passing but inspire an entire person’s livelihood in reality.

What I do know is that when one of my mom’s friends (I’m going to call him Harry) applied for Northwestern, they asked him what he would write on these rocks.                  

That’s what Henry would write on these rocks, and it’s something that has been swishing itself in my brain like mouthwash for a while.

Whenever people ask me what I regret, I respond with that eye-roll-inducing answer, “I don’t have any.” And truthfully, I don’t. I know some people say that this concept of having no regrets implies a sort of hubris, that we don’t have anything to learn from our past mistakes and that we are glossing over our actions as if they don’t have consequences. But honestly, I disagree with that.

To me, having no regrets is a humble experience – to hand over what you cannot control and embrace the fact that you’re going to fall. To have no regrets is the pinnacle of learning from your past mistakes; it is taking the shit from your past and not framing it in shame because those things have shaped you into the person you are now.

I love Henry’s answer, and if they had asked me this question on my application when I applied to Northwestern, I would’ve been tempted to copy him.

I like to consider myself the type of person who lives presently in the moment and takes life on like a big hug except you’re hugging this massive golden retriever that desperately wants to run away from you.  It’s interesting when I think about it because I don’t know if I’ve always been like this. I think I used to worry more, and at some point, I realized that none of that worrying was worth my time.

If you’ve ever taken the Enneagram test (I’m a proud 3), it tells you a lot about yourself, but the way you take the test can tell you things, too. I remember the last time I took this test, my friend pointed out how I took the test. She said it was interesting how I breezed through the test, how I was so assured on certain questions (‘totally disagree’ and ‘totally agree’), but there was a small sub-sect of questions that I would answer half-heartedly (‘neutral’). Those questions were all related to making plans for the future and how important security was for me. It made so much sense to me that these were the questions I answered half-heartedly. I really am not the type of person to obsess about putting together this plan by the time I’m 30.

I have certain goals for my life and things I really want to do. I really want to give a TED Talk. And I really want to run a full marathon by the time I die. Like any other girl, I want to get married by a certain age and have a certain number of kids, but it’s not a dealbreaker in life. So there are these goals, and I have general ideas for how I’ll get there, but if you’ve ever asked me what my plan is after college, I will literally reply with this huge, frantic wave of my arms in circles like I’m finger-painting. And I’ll usually follow that motion with, “This is kind of bad, but I just assume it’s all going to work out.”

Admittedly, I am naïve and trusting in this world of the big, bad wolf. But here’s the thing to getting to the Northwestern Rocks of “No regrets”. It’s all about love.

If you love something, go after it. People worry so much about crafting their happiness and setting themselves up for the future, but I genuinely don’t think that you can ruminate over the details of it all like that. I think you just have to do it. You just have to take a big step into what you love and let that thing jostle you around.

At the beginning of high school, I was so worried about my four-year plan. What classes was I going to take? How would I get ahead on internships? What was my spike going to be so that I could get into an ivy league school? And when it all played out, none of that really mattered.

The most influential part of my high school experience was something called Dominican Preaching Team. As a preacher, I was responsible for leading small groups on retreats, guiding other preachers in their faith formation, and building community throughout my school. Within these two years as a preacher, God showed me beauty in its purest form through authenticity. I saw raw human connection through the power of storytelling. I witnessed music tangibly move through people’s hearts.

Something I find myself repeating to my friends who feel like their major determines their entire life or like their interests are being pulled in all these different directions is that there is a time and place for everything. You can do both. At the core of this problem is understanding what’s pulling you. Is it parental expectation? Is it hustle culture? Or is what you are currently going after something that ignites you, something that you’re interested in? I think that when you run after something that ignites you, all the cool achievements and all the opportunities manifest themselves as side products to the journey.

You get the choice to tolerate your life, to go along with mediocre experiences that aren’t really adding value to your life. We have an awful tendency to only pivot in our lives once they’ve completely turned to shit, but what if we could pivot when something wasn’t fulfilling its potential anymore? What if you raised your standards for yourself?

It’s not going to be easy. Steve Jobs dropped out of college to pursue what he loved, and that meant sleeping on the floor and walking seven miles to get a meal. But it all worked out in the end, and I truly believe that about life. My naivety tells me that life always gets better. If you’re chasing after what you love and realize that the balance of practicality and purpose is leaning out of whack, pivot a little. Pivot, and keep chasing.

I am so lucky to have escaped the hole of trapping myself in things I don’t like. I’ve just always been very argumentative. If I don’t like something, I get out. And that’s easier said than done, but I don’t want to look back on my life in resentment that I wasted my potential.

So how are you going to live with no regrets? Living without regrets meant discerning my values system and what I would be happy with as my legacy on earth. If today were my last day on earth, I would be okay with that. I chased after what I loved and at the heart of my life, I was a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, and a striving disciple.

And from there, it’s all about these tangential spheres of what you love. It’s up to you. I have all these things I want to do and all these things I want to see. And I’m not going to waste time on classes I hate or work that doesn’t matter when I could be chasing the things I love because I genuinely believe that throwing myself into what I love is going to connect itself the way only life can. Life will take its little electrical currents and zap everything into place as long as I lean into what it has to offer.

What does that mean for me? I signed up for a marathon next year. I’m going abroad this summer. I’m going to finish my novel by the end of the summer, no matter what.

You can take my body and bury me underneath the Northwestern Rocks. No regrets, baby.